Facials & Healing - Sexually
As we explore sex or shames, and/or our kinks can tell us a lot about what's going on with us, or where we may have some unresolved traumas. As a woman who has explored many aspects of sex, I was always turned off by the idea of a man ejaculating in my face. I found it degrading, lowly, and even though all the sex acts I did, that was a no-no in my personal relationships. Work was work, and I never internalized anything I did there, but in my intimate relationships, it was a hard no. Many of my lovers were thrown off by this. Like, you'll fuck me anywhere in the world, but if they mention doing that, it was like the Sahara...immediate dryness. Immediate turn-off. As I have been going through the layers of my healing, whether it was sexual trauma or just life, I've had to look at everything, one at a time, and take them apart, one at a time. Thinking about this restriction, took me back to a childhood memory that I must have suppressed.
Picture this if you will...
A little girl playing with her female cousin, who's about the same age. We snuck into her parent's room, hid under the bed, and she's like look, and puts on a movie. Unbeknownst to me, and probably her at the time, we were watching a porno. A Black man was getting his knob slobbed by a White woman, and when he went to ejaculate he did so in her face. Now, as an adult I know what I was watching, but then, and I had to be maybe 5-6, clueless as to what was going on. Then, later that day, when I'm with my mother, I asked in my childish ignorance I asked 'Mommy, why do men pee milk?' and my mother freaked. Now again, as an adult, I understand why, but as a child, I made the connection, a man ejaculates on a woman's face, and it brings an awful reaction out. One of rage, fear, upset, right? So now, this is in my cellular structure, and even though I can be open, and exploratory in other aspects of sex, even teaching classes on how to have better sex, I couldn't get past that point. I had to dive deep to figure that one out. Crazy right? Crazy how 1 childhood memory can control a whole aspect of your life. Kind of like when you burn your hand on the stove, or if you've ever almost drowned, and now water is an ever-present fear.
Now, does that mean that my partner is going to be giving me daily facials, no, not at all, however, if the topic comes up, it won't shut my system down, and if I accidentally get sprayed in the fray, I won't flip out. Progress, no matter how big or how small, is still progress. Sexual healing is an ongoing thing, and nothing to be ashamed of. Trust and believe, I love you, God loves you, and Angels surround you.
